Inside my heart, I wish someone understand.
The need to be understand.
The need to feel like the world doesn’t matter.
But nevertheless, what hurt me is my inability to be happy, my inability to understand…
I feel I am taken for granted. In my time, myself.
That no one truly appreciated.
Is it just me?
Or the world…
Inside my heart, I wish to be happy…
If gift-giving is hard, I won’t want to have gift.
God, suddenly I found You so amazing.
How can You give us something yet without complain.
Amazing…
Maybe it is better to be alone with God. Only God understands.
I thought I can be there for people but the strength is not within me to do so.
And I think, I need to be alone…
Hard-pressed on every sides yet not crushes…
I hoped to become like this at the end of the day.
Maybe the love is not enough within me to give out.
I just want a break from everything and leave it be.
I have never thought that been attached is such a wonderful experience.
All fears of future-in-laws, finances, bad boyfriend and all are gone when I meet the right one for me.
Someone given by God.
Yes, I can be very strict and all, but I learn to relax.
And yes, dear saw my anger, know my pains, and I thanks God for him.
And maybe that why he has a mild temper. Differently from mine.
And I thank God for it.
Such a blessing to be in love.
I don’t like this feeling after this conversation.
I don’t like it at all.
Am I suppose to feel this way?
I am suppose to be happy and full with faith.
God, what is this about?
1. Strengthens prayer life
2. Start confessing daily the vision of God
3. Study the words of God in depth and have a strong devotion to Him
I believed as I once again get back into the life of seeking and searching, I will get a deeper communion and encounter with Him.
I need to know Him deeper, in a more intense ways.
I wish I have all the answers of the world.
To know the plans of God and to walk in His ways.
Sometimes I’m so tired and I would want to cry in my own QT.
I really not sure…
How much longer should I bear with this…
Every single day, instead of being happy, I’m still sad over many things.
Lord, a guidance for me…
That all I asked of You…
I need to be more discipline.
I need to cultivate new habits.
I need to regain a strong spiritual life.
I missed those times when I was a young believer, those times of reading the Bible continuously on my bed, and then fall asleep when I finished what I suppose to finish.
Those times when I listened to sermons and never grow tired of reading notes.
How those times disappeared from my life as I grow to be more busy.
And sometimes I feel I forgotten the 1st love of God.
God, can rekindle this passion inside of me?
I want to once again have a deeper relationship with You till I forgotten the time and the world and myself.
Lost myself in You is better than anything else.
And I missed those times badly.
Arigatou to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayonara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life
tomodachi demo koibito demo nai chuukan chiten de
shuukaku no hi wo yumemiteru aoi furu-tsu
ato ippo ga fumidasenai sei de
jirettai no nan notte? baby~
arigatou to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayounara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life
amai dake no sasoi monku ajike no nai doku
sonna mono ni wa kyoumi wa sosorarenai
omoitoori ni ikanai toki datte
jinsei suteta mon janai tte
doushita no? to kyuu ni kikareru to “uun. nandemo nai”
sayounara no ato ni kieru egao watashi rashikunai
sinjitai to negaeba negau hodo nandaka setsunai
“aishiteru yo” yori mo “daisuki” no hou ga kimi rashii janai?
The flavor of life
wasurekakete ita hito no omoi wo totsuzen omoidasu koro
furitsumoru yuki no shirosa wo omou to sunao ni yorokobitai yo
daiyamondo yorimo yawarakakute atatakana mirai
teni shitai yo kagiri aru jikan wo kimi to sugoshitai
“arigatou” to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
sayounara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life
ENGLISH:
When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
a hint of bitterness.
The flavor of life
Stuck midpoint between friends and lovers,
like an un-riped fruit dreaming about the day of harvest
because of being unable to just move one more step forward
what’s causing this frustration baby
When you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesn’t
get undone even after the good bye.
a hint of bitterness
The flavor of life
Sweet talk and tasteless conversations.
it sparks no interest in me
even when things do not go the way you want
it doesnt mean you’ve thrown your life away
When asked ‘ whats wrong?’
I answer ‘its nothing’
The smile that disappears after goodbye
It’s unlike me
The more i wish to believe in you,
For some reason it hurts even more
‘i like you a lot’ instead of ‘i love you’ sounds more like you
the flavor of life
the period when you suddenly remember the scent of someone you had almost forgotten
I want to be able to openly and honestly cherish the white purity of the falling snow more
A future tender and warmer than a diamond
i want to grasp it, in this limited time we have, i want to spend it with you
when you say thank you to me,
for some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell that doesnt
get undone even after the good bye.
a hint of bitterness
The flavor of life
My boyfriend told me that this song is like a negative confession cause it is known as Losing Love is not a Sin.
Hahaha But this song is nice, the tune is nice, the voice of the lady is nice.
And I was hooked to it for 2 nights.
Can I have more nice tune songs but not so emo?
This is another awesome MV that I loves.
Nice to listen to it at night because of the emo feeling we can get from it. =P
And I can’t help but love this girl. She is really amazing.
This girl totally caused me to be hook up with this MV.
This MV is about a man who is unfaithful toward her even though they had wonderful memories together.
But reviews of this MV shared that this man was actually a undercover of the Police and he died in the end. So is he an unfaithful man?
But still, nice song.
There will always be burdens, but it is to who do we surrender these burdens to.
And I handling it over to God.
Abba Father, I believe You know the best for everyone.
=) Trust in You ALWAYS!
I never thought he will send me a basket with chocolate, bear and flowers.
I am shocked beyond words.
He is suppose to be in Thailand.
=X
Aw…
Since I couldn’t share this on blogspot.
I shall do it here.
So glad to hear from him last night since it has been a few days since he was at Thailand.
And so happy that he tried to contact me.
Well, at least I know you are safe.
Awaiting your return. =)
God, even though this chance is not mine to have.
I thank You for showing me…
Stay happy after chocolate therapy. =)
I want to go mission…
I want to go Haiti…
I saw the tweets, saw my ex-mission team mate going, heard that Carrisa being asked to go.
I want to go, but my sore throat and my job and most importantly my mum…
I don’t want her to worry…
The last 2 times I went, she said… if everytime there is a disaster, then you need to go ar?
She was angry and she was worried.
I understand, but God if this is Your will, let me go.
If not, I will not do anything beside praying and believing.
One day, I will be in full-time mission field.
I believe!
2nd day and my dear friend is still at Thailand.
He asked me not to think too much but guess he is right afterall, I did think.
Please, let Wednesday come faster.
But after that he need to start working.
Wonder will he be able to go for the Wedding Matrimony with me, given that he might need to work that Sat.
Aw… mixed feeling…
Today he flied off for a week.
And I starting to miss him.
He asked me not to think too much.
Maybe this is what he means?
I missed him liao and next week when he is back, he got to start working.
Hopefully after 3 months he found what he want.
=(
