Protected: Tireness

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Sick in my emotions

So much I wanna say and write yet I can’t bring myself to say further.

Wanna to share, but I can’t seem to feel that people is even paying attention to it.

Younger ones needs the attention of an older ones, this I understand, yet just to talk and share, I can’t seem to feel that I can do that.

Losing the focus on write an email. Forgetting what I should write, too many things in mind, and I can only turn back to my old time friends, my gor and my Ling dar to relax myself.

Real life, we might not be always seeing each others, like my vok gor, I never even see him face to face. Only got his friendster but he is a kind hearted soul. Look out for me while gaming and though it’s only a game but he give all out.

I wonders, can I be like that too?

I can’t seem to think that I can reach that extend for my own family and for the extended family? I also not very good at it.

I gave and my time included…

Yet I can’t seem to say what I feeling and all I could do was to force myself to swallow the words down my throat, bite the bullet and walk through with life.

But I’m not that strong.

To provoke me by saying others run faster than me, it doesn’t seem to work anymore as I don’t wanna hear how we fail this and that but to hear the other side of the coin.

I tried to be lame, I tried.

But it seem, I need some seriousness.

I’m no longer a kid, and I don’t need others to treat me like one.

I growing up yet the process of all, I teaches and learns.

But yet, to talk about a hearing ear?

Now, now… I hasn’t found one.

Why people dwell in the past?

Am I one of them?

No, I feel I moving on, but every words process out of the mouth of people is the family scattered, we cried when we met up for meeting etc and etc… But whatever the good side of it all?

I feel and sense the good side and I want to make good use of it, even though I’m transiting, yet I dislike hearing the this and that, whatever and whatsoever kind of stuffs. That I fail this and that and being moving backward.

Maybe my words do matter but I also wanna try harder to move on.

Seem like moving on not easy.

God, now what should I do?

I deciding, fasting might be the only way for me to receive an answer.

I didn’t meant to post it at my public blog, knowing everyone want to read it. Well, I just want to discover the inner me and the potential God give me and what firing power I can has and will has to accomplish that vision even when it seem faraway.

I need some encouragements but it seem like God want me to learn that life is not just about being in a group making a different but it is also me making a different and be an influence.

God! Helps me, guides me and leads me.

I need encouragement from you!

What an amazing God…

There are times I am at lost of myself.

But in the Lord I found my destiny.

In desperate situation, my God set my heart free.

It wasn’t always nice and life is not like a bed of roses.

But I holding on to God’s promises.

People scolding is nothing compare to my vision from the Lord.

I shall always remember my Lord for bringing me so far.

I going further…

Further with Christ…

SINGLE Minded

Over the week, as I fellowshipped with my fellow SOT friends, we often came across the topic of relationships and out of which, we talked about what girls and guys each looking for, what each shouldn’t do if the girl/guy is not interested etc and etc…

It was a fun time and out of it birth forth the idea for Matchmaking Agency (details not to go in depth).

Which involved Trecillia and me.

And what more, Paul wanna me to be involve in associating which I gladly agreed for it shall create a even bigger social circle for me.

And not only that, at this season, as I focus on my personal growth, I can get to know more people.

I’m single-minded, not available till 2010… Which month will it be in 2010? That is a secret, when God send the someone at the season, I will know… Hahahah…

This ROAD alone

I deciding to pursuit after the call of God.

Even though it is unsure, with no certainty ahead of me.

Yet, it is better than to walk my own way.

Many are now in the midst of finding a partner, yet following after the Lord matter more now.

It is during serving that God send the right one.

And now I got faith that it is when I answer to the call of God that God prepared a right one for me in the near future.

In the area of mission field…

In the place where I serve His people.

In the team that work together.

My life is short, and I wanna learn to use it to the fullest.

And Jesus will always be my Guide.

No one answered… But God shall answer

I talked to many but it seem to be a dead end.

 

Now it is the time for God to answer.

 

God, open Your doorway for me.

Lord, Let Faith Arise

Jesus, Jesus!

 

Let Your faith arise inside of me.

 

To believe in miracle for my mission.

 

I has nothing, but faith only.

 

To believe that if it is Your will, doorway will be opened for me.

 

I has only a heart and now I placed it into Your hands.

 

Work a miracle in my life Lord, that none has ever see.

 

For You are the Lord that never let Your words return to You void.

Lots of happenings stuffs!

Today we finally ended our last lesson of church leadership course by having Pastor Kong, Pastor Tan and Pastor Aries to lay hands on us for an impartation.

Lo and behold, the presence of God was so tangible. I fall down when Pastor Kong ended the ministering session by a time of discernment and I fall as every words that he spoke was the same word that my beloved Father spoke to me while I was laying down in His presence.

God is great! Really great.

And as we took the class photo, I can’t help but kept on playing with Leslie. He was wearing a black tie that has a crystal like cross on it but the gown covered it and made his suit looked like those that a man would wear for a funeral. I knew I was being naughty but I can’t help teasing him. And to see Pastor Kong in his red pastoral gown, Pastor Yong walked like the “cabinet minister” as Bobby introduced him as and seeing Bobby acted like he was playing Olympic soccer when we cheered, the crowd got heightened up instantly.

I gonna missed everyone.

Throughout SOT, God allowed me to talk to a few ministers and out of the school, I even met Rev Kelvin Dyson, the Bible School lecturer who asked Pastor Kong to propose to Sun when I attended a fellow school mate’s husband ordination. It was a wonderful and memorial times.

No financial abundance but yet I believed God that for my India mission trip, God will supernaturally provide for me so that I can go for it.

And that not all, I put aside everything and now I will stay focus on CG and on my leader’s vision.

To end it off, lots of good stuffs happening.

I believing God for yet another time of wonderful breakthrough.

Amen!

Praying for Faith into Mission Field!

Today I took the step of faith to approach Siang-lun for the mission trip to India.

You can say, I never thought about it, dream about it but never think that I would go for it.

It has always be in the back of my mind. Hidden somewhere and only to be dig out when I need to.

I never intended for it but it seem like God want me to have a breakthrough and now I can only rely on faith to bring in the finance for mission.

A foreign land, never been before, facing opposition from my mum, yet I insisted going.

Saying that voluntary works is important to me.

I can only commit myself to this dream that seem to be impossible yet possible in the Lord.

Lord God Almighty!

This is the path You presented before me!

I shall walk and pray over it.

I shall run the vision You gave and to fulfill Your calling.

Regret or not I shouldn’t care much.

Going for it is all that I asked for.

Come on Evangeline!

Run a good fight of faith!